What is your relationship status…
Are you madly, deeply in love?
Are you breaking up?
Is it complicated?
Most of us have a complicated relationship with ourselves. Odds are, we’ve fallen out of love. Life is hard, kids are harder, Summer’s here and so is the 20 lbs hiding our bikini body we promised to get 6 weeks ago. Depends on the day but we can either be falling in love with our strong, confident self or breaking up with girl who keeps falling short.
Self love really is the new relationship goal in life. All too often, we let ourselves fall short and come in last. Self love helps us live a more confident, centered life of purpose. So, how can we turn this love train around and start finding a little self-love?
Bad days happen but that doesn’t mean we have to set up camp and remain stuck there. Maybe we visit for a few hours, maybe a day but then it’s time to move on. Part of the problem we face as women is remaining in the past, holding on to hurts like the string of a kite but that will never lift us to higher ground or move us along. We just stay stuck and tethered to the past. Let it go. Letting go of the past that no longer serves us well, is one healthy step toward loving yourself.
Focus on what your basic needs are in life. Stay mindful in this task and with each decision you make, be sure it is serving these long term needs and values, not wants that will quickly fade. Oftentimes, we fill up on quick fixes and empty calorie choices that only weigh us down even more. Overspending, prescription drug abuse, food…can all make us feel good in a moment but it’s just a single moment. There is no staying power in feeding our wants. Focus on your needs.
Mend the fences along your boundaries. All too many times, we forget that ‘No’ is actually a complete sentence. You can maintain your boundaries without excuses, lies or being rude and ugly about it. Simply say, “No.” If you are spread thin with one nerve left, allow yourself the opportunity to rest and refuel. Taking on another project or commitment isn’t going to serve you well, nor is it a loving thing to do. Be gentle and kind, even with yourself.
Tidy up your friends. Most people come and go in our lives naturally but others may need to be invited to leave. Either your friends are for you…or they are against you. Take a closer look at the people you surround yourself with. Let go of the ones who make you feel ‘less than’ or ‘other’. Negativity and criticism are love killers, especially when it comes to loving ourselves. Fill your life with those people who make you feel loved and valuable.
Finally, give yourself the same freedoms and concessions you allow for others. We are often our worst critic. We forgive others, compliment others, cheer others along. When was the last time you did that for yourself? Give yourself the time of day. Do something you love to do. Engage in a new hobby or an old one you shelved. Even a few minutes a day goes a long ways. It helps to unwind from the stresses of life.
When we are able to love ourselves more, we are better able to handle life and all the complexities that come with it. Our relationships will be stronger and more meaningful. We will be able to handle and recover from stress quicker. Self love allows for more hope and less anxiety and depression. Even just changing one negative behavior or habit for a more loving one will begin to make a difference.
It’s time to change your relationship status!